Do Absent Dads Affect a Woman's Self Esteem?

I attended a networking event a few weeks ago where I stopped to speak to a woman whose shirt caught my attention. Her shirt read, “Him and Me Dance”. I asked her what it meant and she explained that the owner of a nonprofit that she is involved with throws annual father and daughter dances. She said that one year the founder realized by saying “father and daughter” she excluded girls who didn’t have dads from the event and wanted to make it her duty to include everyone--even girls who male figures are basketball coaches and not their birth dads. This made me wonder. Does the absence of a dad as a child affect a woman’s self esteem?

One of the most common reasons why women don’t know their worth is because the first male figure in their life who is thought to model and teach them their value is absent. So I did some research. Fatherless women usually try to determine their worth by accepting any attention from men that makes them feel wanted instead of understanding the value of self. That means she usually is receptive of disrespect, she usually seeks validation from compliments from others’ opinions—in person or online—and she constantly questions herself, wondering if she is good enough for love. Let’s look into what that means and what someone experiencing this can do to strengthen their self esteem.  

Why is she receptive of disrespect?

A woman who hasn’t been shown respect from her father figure finds it hard to identify what it looks like in real life interactions. Accepting dismissal words like “stop nagging” when she is venting about something that bothered her is an example of a woman being okay with disrespect. She doesn’t understand that by pushing off her feelings as if they are unimportant can lead to her feeling like her voice doesn’t count, but she often feels that if she speaks up, the guy will leave her. Another example of a woman accepting disrespect from a man is allowing him to have her body with hopes he’ll love her because she gave such a sacred belonging to him. Some women will say “This is my life, this is my body,” to excuse their actions but giving something that is your temple away to a man who hasnt’ shown that respect or commitment isn’t treating self as if you are worth more. Having a father figure present at a young age constantly speaking highly to their daughters and demonstrating actions that show what their daughter should accept from men are things that could decrease the chances of a woman accepting harsh treatment. 

How does seeking validation from men--good or bad attention--hurt women?

Now in this social media age, it is easy to get wrapped up in how many folks are liking your posts. And although it can be a good way to kick off careers—a woman who is constantly seeking validation from compliments and likes from a picture she posted is a woman who may not be happy with herself. Before you post something, ask yourself is this the true you. Watch 3 Signs You Are Listening to Your Inner Voice  to identify if you are using social media with self confidence instead of  seeking validation from others. Social isn’t the only place where women seek validation. Compliments from everyday activities can also make a woman feel on top of the world. But if the compliments stop—do you still feel good about yourself?

What Are Steps She Can Take To Build Self Esteem?

Turning self around isn’t a commitment that lasts one day, but it’s a lifetime full of healing. Ways she can take the first step to healing is admitting to self that she hasn’t been treating herself as kindly as she deserved and make the decision to figure out how she can create this habit.